you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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