Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
