You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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