$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
