i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
