Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Randomize
