one might say we're banned from that church
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
