you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
