five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
