a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
