Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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