you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Drunk is not a location!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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