Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
