SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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