If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
