i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
