I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize