3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
