One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
