all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
