I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
