Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
