They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Two words: blizzard sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
