My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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