so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
