Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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