Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Someone came in the potted fern
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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