They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
