Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
