Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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