Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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