I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
