my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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