Fuck appropriateness.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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