I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Sorry about my life...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
