oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
