But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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