I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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