Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
