Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
