There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
