I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
