Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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