life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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