According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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