There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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