Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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