my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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