This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
