I cannot find my penis.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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