I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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