were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize