youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
