i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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