she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I did not marry a roomba.
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