Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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