listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
