so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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