I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
where are you?
Hypothermia
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
