Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
