You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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