Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
