I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
me + whiskey = a bad person
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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