Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
