You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize