I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
