ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
